i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
