I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
