I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
where am i from again
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
