you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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