I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
