weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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