Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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