Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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