i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
