i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
