I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
