I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
