turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
