Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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