when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
