I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you will always have a special place in my vag
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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