just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
