sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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