I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
