ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
