I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
