In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
