I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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