yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
