does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is Oprah even human
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
