Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
