oh god the rape fog is back!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
