I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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