if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
