just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
