I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
