These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
