so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
