My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
