i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
