paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
