My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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