You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
