Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
