respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
