i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
