I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
