youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
