Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i drank out of a bidet.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
