he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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