I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ugly people sure do ruin things
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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