chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
