Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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