I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
