It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
