you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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